Forgiveness

Cecily uses this bag to house her doll furniture.

 It was a "gift" from Mike's former employer.  They were always sending us random junk.  (Government agency, anyone?) We have a collection of fridge magnets, sandwich containers, nail clippers, and useless bags.  All of which used to make me cringe when I looked at them.

They each reminded me of Mike's job, which would immediately make me think of his boss. 

Mike's former boss didn't treat him well.  In fact, he treated him like total and complete crap on a daily basis.  And although Mike's co-worker knew the boss was being UNBELIEVABLY unfair, he didn't stick up for Mike, even when given ample opportunities to do the right thing.   You don't even need the details- suffice it to say that they both acted like horrible human beings.

Over the past 8 months (and even before) I have harbored hatred in my heart for Mike's boss and co-worker.  Anything that I didn't like about our situation I would blame on them.  They were easy to blame. I thought things like, "If they hadn't been such jerks to mike then we would still be living in our house....... If they hadn't had it out for Mike, then I wouldn't have to live in this crappy duplex..... If they had acknowledged how great Mike is we wouldn't have to live in this tiny town...."  .......and on and on and on.  I know you're probably thinking that it was ridiculous (and it was), but at the time it felt good to blame everything on someone outside myself.  And, lets be honest, it's easier to forgive someone for hurting YOU, than it is to forgive someone who hurts your loved and cherished companion.

Over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness.  Even while I was doing all the blaming, I knew in my heart that it wasn't healthy.  I knew that both of those men were living their lives with no thought of me or my family whatsoever.  I didn't think of them constantly (or even daily), but it was enough to put a dent in all the joy I should have been soaking up.

The stupid thing about all my needless rage is that there truly have been
 MIRACLES in the life of our family. 

Miracles which I acknowledge, and am incredibly grateful for. 
I have realized recently that for these miracles to truly take hold in my life and change me for the better I need to let go of my stupid anger for these two men. 
Just let it go.  Done. Over.  The end. 

So, I am striving, and learning and growing.
And I'm happy.
I have a loving husband who has a job which he likes.  The people he works with now value him and treat him with kindness and respect.  We are in a wonderful little town with lots of genuinely great people.  We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and two sincerely amazing children. 

Even as I type this, I realize how silly it sounds.  Sheesh- I should have done this a long time ago! Hopefully next time I'll get around to forgiveness a little faster.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

We are moving to Colstrip by the end of the month. 

 It's still a little bit weird and surreal. 

Honestly, this new job of Michael's comes with a measure of sadness.  I feel like if I don't acknowledge the sadness it will eat me.  And frankly, I don't want to be eaten. 

So, here's why I'm just a little sad:

1. We just moved in to our house and now I'm supposed to pack it up and leave.  This is our first home, and I love it.  It's nothing special, but it's mine.  And the last 6 months of living here have been awesome.  Not to mention we fixed things up so that someone else can move in and enjoy. Boo.

2.  I'm scared of changing everything again.  Scared of how my kiddos are going to adjust to the new place/people/life.  Scared of trying to make new friends.  I'm not great at it.

3.  We are just becoming comfortable in Billings.  Ya know the point where you know your neighbors?  And you can take the back roads without getting lost?  And your ward actually starts feeling comfortable?  Well, we just got there- and now we're leaving.

But, with the bad there is an overwhelming amount which both Mike and I are grateful for. 

Count your blessings, right?

 Here's the good stuff:

1.  We have a job!  A GOOD job at that.  And holy bad economy batman, are we ever grateful that 2 days after getting the news of being let go, MSV got another (better) offer.

2.  We are able to rent our house and we found really great renters.  They are people we know who are honest and won't have any crazy parties in our basement or anything.  And the best part is, they are EXCITED about our house.  I am grateful that it will be loved, as nuts as that sounds. 

3.  Colstrip seems to be a really nice community.  They have 3 power plants and one coal mine, all of which pay extremely high property taxes.  This is GREAT for the citizens! They offer a free rec center for anyone who lives in the town, plus really well funded schools.

4. Speaking of schools.... I am getting my educator licensure in MT and will hopefully be able to get a teaching job there.  I'm still not sure about daycares or whatever for my kids, but we'll see.  I'm excited to have the opportunity to use my degree and get some experience in a place where they hire 1st year teachers. 

5.  We will have the opportunity to pay off debt.  There's not much (read: absolutely not a bit of) shopping, so no "retail therapy" for me.  Unless I road-trip it to Billings......

6.  God is mindful of us and our needs.  And of your needs too.  And He helped Mike and I to know that a little better than we did before.

The good most definitely outweighs the bad, as in most situations if we look carefully enough.  Thanks for letting me put my feelings out on the internet :) 

You know my life is an open book.

Gratitude

I get to move here!!!  Well, to the same town anyway.....

My cute sister-in-law Laura has a blog.  She does posts called "grace in small things".  They are fabulous and I love them.  SO, I'm taking a page from Laura's book and writing a "Grace in Small Things" post of my own about the last 5 months of my life. 

But first, the good news:  Michael got a job with the National Credit Union Authority! 

We are so excited and we are so grateful. 

SO grateful.

Ok, on to the grace part of this.....

I have hesitated to write too many posts during the past few months.  Part of it is that I've been working my tail off and I'm tired.  And part of it is that I didn't want to be a whiner.... Isn't it funny how we edit ourselves for the internet?  I am guilty of only wanting to put the best parts of my life on display, and I think that's ok.  Not that I don't post my fair share of blog complaints. You all know that. 

  But, the truth is, unemployment is difficult.  And I have whined A LOT and cried A LOT and been frustrated A LOT. 

However, I have learned A LOT.

And that is what this post is about, and why I'm so glad (now that we're nearing the tail end of this) that we were able to go through it.

1. I have learned to appreciate my role as a mom.  I am lucky to have a husband that supports my decision to stay home and be my kids primary care giver.  I have two amazing kids, and being away from them as much as I have has helped me appreciate their little souls.  I am glad I can be the one to teach them things, wipe noses and bums, give them kisses and hugs, and explore the world with them.  I didn't realize how much of thier lives I would miss.  Mike has done a good job while I've been away, and they haven't suffered, but I will be glad when it's ME that they run to with a booboo again. 

2.  Mike has been able to finish his MBA with honors.  With the extra time on his hands, he's been able to study study study and I'm so proud of him.  Some of his classes (Macroeconomics- grrrr) have been really really time consuming and difficult, but he's out with flying colors.

3.  I have learned to appreciate what it's like to be a working mom.  It's hard and I commend any and all of you that do it.

4.  Mike and I have switched roles in some ways, and I think he sees how much I put in to taking care of the house and kids all day.  It's not all bon-bons and soap watching for sure.  It's nice to be appreciated a little more :)

5.  Patience is a virtue that I am still working on.  This experience has helped me gain a tiny bit more.  Without a doubt it is one of the hardest things for me.  Waiting sucks, and we've done a lot of waiting, praying, and trying to have faith throughout this. 

6.  Money is just money and it's not the end of the world if you don't have a lot.  You can and will survive and thrive.   That being said, the Lord has been generous with us and has blessed us with EVERYTHING we need and more- even when we lacked faith (especially at the beginning).   Can't even tell you.  Makes me want to cry.  Oh, wait..... I'm already crying.

So, yay.  We are over the hump and excited about the next few years. 

Billings, MT- here we come. 

Great Joerb!

Yes, my friends, it's true.  I got myself a jibbety job to tide us over until Mike finishes his MBA.  I start tomorrow and I am kinda excited, kinda scared, kinda sad.  I wish I were teaching and using my degree, but that's not in the cards right now.  *sigh*  I am serving tables again.  It's not my favorite, but it makes more sense than trying to get everything together to teach, and since jobs for 1st year teachers are hard to get and I'm 3 months behind the application deadline- it doesn't look like that will happen.  I will most likely start substitute teaching in the fall a few days a week if Mike hasn't found a job by then.  And I'm sad I have to leave my babies, but I'm leaving them in the capable hands of their daddy, so it's ok.

So, in honor of my new job I'm writing a post about serving.

I'm sure most of you are probably really nice to servers and tip well and everything.   I hope that's the case. 

However, unless you've been a server you really have NO idea what it's all about.  Totally not your fault, I know. But, I feel like I should let you know a few things about it, and maybe you'll be a teeny bit more sympathetic if something goes wrong during your next meal.  

I'll repeat:  UNLESS YOU HAVE DONE IT FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME, YOU MOST LIKELY DON'T QUITE GET IT.

 

I'm not saying that it's the worlds hardest job, but here are some things to consider the next time you are out to eat and you are annoyed that your drink has been empty for a few minutes:

- Servers usually have a lot of "side work" to do while they are on shift.  This means that in addition to taking orders, serving food, etc, they are responsible for getting ice into the bins for all the servers to use, or re-stocking the dishes from the back, or changing the syrup on the coke machines, or 1000 other things that need to happen to make a restaurant run smoothly.  If it's 6:00 on a Saturday and the restaurant is full, sometimes it's not that your server is in the back sitting on their butt- it's that they're running their butt off and trying their hardest. 

- Servers are not cooks.  If the dish isn't to your satisfaction, it usually isn't the servers fault.  Servers are the "front men", so they get blamed for lots of mis-haps that they (most of the time) are not responsible for.  Don't assume that "my dumb server wasn't listening and told the kitchen the wrong thing."  Sometimes that's true, sometimes it isn't.

-If a server has to make change from the 100 dollar bill you gave them, they usually need to hunt all over the restaurant for another server or manager to break the bill for them.  This means that it takes longer for you to get your change.  Again, please don't blame your server if it takes a few minutes.

-If you have to get to a movie on a Friday night at 7:00 and you are seated at your table at 6:30, please TELL your server that you need to be fast, instead of getting angry for them not being quick enough.

-If you cannot afford to leave some sort of tip, just go get some yummy Taco Bell or Wendy's.  Or better yet, go get Cafe Rio.  It's simple- if you can't afford a tip, go somewhere where tipping isn't expected and customary.  And yes, 35 lint covered cents is insulting. I'd almost rather you leave nothing.

 -As a server in Utah I will make $2.13 per hour.  Yep,  you read that right.  BEFORE taxes.

-If something goes wrong and your server is apologetic and sincere, please don't treat them like crap.  They are people too.

-Servers are there to make your experience more enjoyable, but they are not beneath you or anyone else.  You wouldn't believe how many times people talked to me like they thought I must be retarded or I would be working at a "real" job.  C'mon, people- aren't we all just trying to eek out a living in this crap economy? 

 

SO there you go.  Some things to consider.
I will concede that there are times when servers are terrible and completely incompetent, but in my experience, if you are nice to your server, they will want to do their best to help you have a great meal.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.  Sorry in advance.

Just so we don't end on a sour note- here are my favorite parts of the job:

- I LOVE being active and getting to walk (a lot) during work.  Sitting at a desk all day has never really  interested me.

- I like talking to people and making them happy.  There is a small sort of satisfaction in giving people a really great meal and a great experience that will make them want to come back.

 

Hope you all don't hate me after this post!  Sorry it's so long, I just had to put it out there.  If you come see me at my new place, don't worry- I'll treat you right!  Happy eating!