Hello

A little random fun that's been going on in our house lately:

This is our neighbor Allie on the porch with Nolan.  She is 5 and LOVES babies. 

Quite possibly my favorite time of day. 

Cecily loves to read and it's cute to see her curled up on the couch enjoying a good library book.

Cecily likes to put this hat on Nolan and call him a pirate.  She's already incorporating him into her imaginitive play.   " No-en, you a pirate.  I a tinkerbell."  Only a few more years until he gets to be the dog when they play house. 

He has a sleeper to match the hat and Mike and I were thinking of taking a picture of him in it and photoshoping it into a "where's waldo" book.

C.J. also loves giving him kisses.

And loves making him smile really big. 

Sometimes if I leave him in his swing to go do something, I'll come back to find that Cecily has given him a toy- meaning she places it on or near his head.  She is still learning to share (and isn't really very good at it yet) so I'm glad that a little bit is sinking into her brain.

And that's the news for now- stay tuned for more :)

Also, thanks for the words of encouragement about my last post.  I appreciate the love and support!  Just so you know, things genuinely are looking better and (in answer to a few questions) I don't think the medication route is the one for me right now.  I think medication is a wonderful option, but since things have been so good and I'm continuing that trend, it's not something I feel I need.  I've talked to the doc (actually my midwife) and she feels the same.  It helps to talk about it and not feel like it's something to be ashamed of, so thanks a bundle for the hugs over the internet :)

perspective and peace

I've been contemplating writing this post for weeks now. 

 And here it is.

I want you to know that my intent is not to bring you down, so I hope I don't.   Also, I hope you don't find it inappropriate to blog about personal problems.   You're welcome to stop reading now if you feel that way, I won't mind :)  

 I am writing in an effort to be honest and open with myself and with the world, and maybe through that gain some perspective and peace.   

Make sense? 

Probably not, but oh well.

I have been having a hard time lately.  Some call it "baby blues"  or maybe minor post-partum depression, but whatever you call it, it sucks. 

When Cecily came along I can honestly say that I didn't have any trouble bouncing back.  I had tired days and days of "Holy cow I can't believe I have a baby now" feelings, but nothing like what I felt after Nolan was born. 

Don't misunderstand: 

There's no question that I am completely in love with both of my kids. 

They are my world.

  My life, my joy, my everything. 

But for 11 weeks I've had days of hopelessness.  Days of overwhelming anxiety.  Days when I envisioned the rest of my life in a mental hospital.  When all I did for Cecily was the bare minimum- Her world consisted of : bathing, eating, and  cartoons.   And ps- my house has been a pig-sty since the day I came home from the hospital, and I can't even remember the last time I scrubbed and bleached my bathroom floor.  Gross.

I had days when it seemed better to stare at the wall than to get out of my bed.

To be honest, it was wierd. 

I've always been a pretty happy person.  I've usually been able to talk myself into a good mood, even if circumstances were crappy.  I've never felt like I was clinically depressed or even prone to depression, so when these "bad" days come now I always end up wondering why I can't just -snap out of it-. 

 But I am realizing that there was a little bit of a chemical imbalance in my hormones, and it's ok that i felt sad or mad or wierd or anxious.  I've gotta stop beating myself up about feeling crazy if I'm going to get over feeling crazy, ya know? 

Much to the delight of my husband and kids, the "bad" days are getting fewer and farther between now.  I feel that way only occasionally, and I'm feeling like my old self again. I know I wasn't into full blown post-partum depression, because things get better, not worse every day.  Time and God can solve anything, I guess.  I am so grateful for that.  I think that's maybe why I can write it all down now....... because I'm coming out on the other side of it. 

God is teaching me patience.   He is also helping me to realize (again) how blessed I am. 

But, isn't that part of the reason we get to be parents?  To learn patience and understanding and to be filled with the most overwhelming love we've ever known?  I think yes. 

And now I will get off my computer and go play with my kids :)

Grandpa Scott meets Nolan Scott

Grandpa Vincent came up and got to meet his little namesake last weekend. 

The smile on Scott's face says it all.

I think these two are gonna be good friends.

happy springtime

....in true Cecily style...

easter

Our Easter holiday was really low key this year, but it was good.

Cecily coloring the eggs before we dyed them

 

Letting 'em soak in the vinegar bath

"Behold, my glorious eggs!"

She was so cute and so proud of herself.

sorry the picture is backlit

This is Cecily and Nolan's loot for easter 2010. 

We got a little pop up tent and Mike insisted we get the "cars" instead of "disney princess" so that Nolan can play in it too when he's big enough.  Heaven forbid he plays in a girlie tent ;o)

The next morning Cecily decided to eat most of her candy in her new "fort".  She's eating a reeses peanut butter cup, if you look close.  

My girl sure loves holidays- becuase holidays mean candy.  Hopefully next year she'll get the whole "Jesus died and lives again" concept a little more.

We watched general conference and had grilled BBQ ribs and potato salad for easter dinner.  Yum.

It was a good day to be together as a little family and remember Christ.    

2 months and still in love

He turned 2 months old on the 1st of April. 

Holy Stinkin' Cow.

Where has the time gone?

Adjusting to life with two little kiddos has been difficult in some ways (more on that in a later post) but SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

worth it. 

Opened up new chambers in my heart, I swear.

Better pictures are soon to come as well.  I haven't had the energy to set up good shots with good lighting and cute outfits, so for now you get snapshots with my camera on automatic settings.

My kids are cute without all the fuss anyway.

Love them.

My nolan boy, whose hair is still funny.

Cecily loves to read books to nolan.  I swear I didn't even set this up.  I was snapping pics of him on the bed and she climbed up there next to him.  She always begins "once upon a time......." and today she continued with,  "dare was a plane.... and mommy..... and daddy........... and annudder one plane......"

Obviously Nolan enjoyed the story.

He's so skinny (you should see his tiny chicken legs), but he always ends up with a double chin in pictures.

Darling.

Here's me with my two crazies.

Can't get enough of 'em.

(well, occasionally I need me time, but that's a given.  I still love them)