Cecily uses this bag to house her doll furniture.
It was a "gift" from Mike's former employer. They were always sending us random junk. (Government agency, anyone?) We have a collection of fridge magnets, sandwich containers, nail clippers, and useless bags. All of which used to make me cringe when I looked at them.
They each reminded me of Mike's job, which would immediately make me think of his boss.
Mike's former boss didn't treat him well. In fact, he treated him like total and complete crap on a daily basis. And although Mike's co-worker knew the boss was being UNBELIEVABLY unfair, he didn't stick up for Mike, even when given ample opportunities to do the right thing. You don't even need the details- suffice it to say that they both acted like horrible human beings.
Over the past 8 months (and even before) I have harbored hatred in my heart for Mike's boss and co-worker. Anything that I didn't like about our situation I would blame on them. They were easy to blame. I thought things like, "If they hadn't been such jerks to mike then we would still be living in our house....... If they hadn't had it out for Mike, then I wouldn't have to live in this crappy duplex..... If they had acknowledged how great Mike is we wouldn't have to live in this tiny town...." .......and on and on and on. I know you're probably thinking that it was ridiculous (and it was), but at the time it felt good to blame everything on someone outside myself. And, lets be honest, it's easier to forgive someone for hurting YOU, than it is to forgive someone who hurts your loved and cherished companion.
Over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Even while I was doing all the blaming, I knew in my heart that it wasn't healthy. I knew that both of those men were living their lives with no thought of me or my family whatsoever. I didn't think of them constantly (or even daily), but it was enough to put a dent in all the joy I should have been soaking up.
The stupid thing about all my needless rage is that there truly have been
MIRACLES in the life of our family.
Miracles which I acknowledge, and am incredibly grateful for.
I have realized recently that for these miracles to truly take hold in my life and change me for the better I need to let go of my stupid anger for these two men.
Just let it go. Done. Over. The end.
So, I am striving, and learning and growing.
And I'm happy.
I have a loving husband who has a job which he likes. The people he works with now value him and treat him with kindness and respect. We are in a wonderful little town with lots of genuinely great people. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and two sincerely amazing children.
Even as I type this, I realize how silly it sounds. Sheesh- I should have done this a long time ago! Hopefully next time I'll get around to forgiveness a little faster.
Over the past 8 months (and even before) I have harbored hatred in my heart for Mike's boss and co-worker. Anything that I didn't like about our situation I would blame on them. They were easy to blame. I thought things like, "If they hadn't been such jerks to mike then we would still be living in our house....... If they hadn't had it out for Mike, then I wouldn't have to live in this crappy duplex..... If they had acknowledged how great Mike is we wouldn't have to live in this tiny town...." .......and on and on and on. I know you're probably thinking that it was ridiculous (and it was), but at the time it felt good to blame everything on someone outside myself. And, lets be honest, it's easier to forgive someone for hurting YOU, than it is to forgive someone who hurts your loved and cherished companion.
Over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Even while I was doing all the blaming, I knew in my heart that it wasn't healthy. I knew that both of those men were living their lives with no thought of me or my family whatsoever. I didn't think of them constantly (or even daily), but it was enough to put a dent in all the joy I should have been soaking up.
The stupid thing about all my needless rage is that there truly have been
MIRACLES in the life of our family.
Miracles which I acknowledge, and am incredibly grateful for.
I have realized recently that for these miracles to truly take hold in my life and change me for the better I need to let go of my stupid anger for these two men.
Just let it go. Done. Over. The end.
So, I am striving, and learning and growing.
And I'm happy.
I have a loving husband who has a job which he likes. The people he works with now value him and treat him with kindness and respect. We are in a wonderful little town with lots of genuinely great people. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and two sincerely amazing children.
Even as I type this, I realize how silly it sounds. Sheesh- I should have done this a long time ago! Hopefully next time I'll get around to forgiveness a little faster.
3 comments:
Good therapy session :)
Laura- I like to put my therapy sessions out on the internet, apparently. Sometimes I overshare..... I've become ok with it. Thanks for being my therapist :)
Wow, it's like you're telling my story lol....I think we all forget at times girl and we are only human. Good for you for recognizing what is going on. You're such a great mother and strong wife, that's why I love you girl oxoxox miss you
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